Spiritual training during a bra shopping expedition
“You’ve been far too comfortable for far too long!” These words were uttered in my general direction during a recent bra fitting when I was searching for a confidence “boost” in advance of a fast-approaching photo shoot.
I was in a bit of a panic. Maybe even a tizzy.
The shoot was on January 4, and I was questioning my sanity – who schedules a photo shoot in the middle of winter, right at “peak belly” after Christmas indulgence? Who does that?
Apparently, I do. I did. I had my reasons. A deadline was approaching and I couldn’t delay it, so I had to get my shit together and find myself in the perfect time, no matter what the anxious thoughts were saying.
And, for some reason, I got the spiritual nudge to go bra shopping … really? A bra as a confidence boost? More doubts were added to the ones piling up, but I did it anyway.
The truth is I’d been needing new bras for a long time and was putting it off – there are always so many other things to spend time and money on – bra shopping never really felt like a priority.
Boy did I get a tune up. Literally, UP!
I crossed the store threshold and Jasmine, a delightful, petite, hijab-wearing goddess took me in hand – she pulled out the measuring tape and started bringing me bras … she nailed both my resistance and my bra size in the same moment. They were both bigger than expected.
She was oohing and ahhing and making adjustments as I gasped at the tight fit. I asked her, “Are you sure this is right?” and she laughed and said, “This is how it’s supposed to fit. You’ve been far too comfortable for far too long!”
Ack. Those words went in … not in a harsh way, but as a big zinging truth bomb that penetrated my mind saying, “Pay Attention – it’s about more than bras.”
(Because, for the record, I do think bras should be tolerably comfortable!!)
But in this case, I had a lot to ponder about being too comfortable – and what that might mean to me.
Where have I gotten “too comfortable”?
I have to say, I am not someone who is ever sitting around too long.
My days are full, and I, like everyone else, struggle to balance all the roles – Wife, Mom, Friend, Coach, Spiritual Practitioner, Student, Writer, Business Owner, Networker, and Dog Mom and Housekeeper … There’s a pile of detail and responsibility with each of these roles and I am showing up as best I can in all of them. It’s not easy for any of us, and anyone who says it is – is full of crap.
And, in the haze of doing so many things, we can’t feel our feelings other than a low-grade depression, alternating with anxiety and overwhelm, feelings which push us to comfort-seeking behaviors which are like little rewards at the end of the day.
These behaviours keep us a little bit numb, which means that more difficult or vulnerable things never quite get done because they feel too hard/scary. So we go back to our stinky, cozy, comfy nest.
We settle for what a teacher of mine calls “pseudo-contentment”, which is that place where I tell myself it’s good enough, it’s fine, even though there’s a flatness or dullness to the vibe.
This is where I am basically on “rinse and repeat” (which has its place), and I tell myself other people would be thrilled to have what I have …but if I am so lucky, why do I feel like there’s more for me?
Because there is so much more.
And yet, there are places where I am addicted to my comfort zone and I am rarely willing to trade this for anything that is going to cause me stress. Such as …
… changes in diet
… changes in routine
… changes in work/business
… new risks (projects, investments, programs)
… new health protocols
… visibility projects (writing, speaking, videos, photo shoots)
… challenging conversations with myself and others
… changes in relationships
… changes in home, belongings, finances
… the list goes on …
I know where I am and am not undertaking the challenges above. It’s hard to do it all at once, and some of these things are works in progress.
And I remind myself I am human and fumbling my way along. But, I am not fumbling in isolation.
I have people who will guide me, encourage me, walk beside me, have my back and love me unconditionally. They will hold up the mirror, hold the flashlight, throw me the lifeline, remind me of who I am no matter what.
Some of them are in my circle of loving family and community. Some of them I pay because they have worthwhile expertise and objective guidance that I need. (Sometimes the people in our closest circle are struggling with the same things or are invested in us staying the same and they create a comfort feedback loop that keeps us stuck.)
I had to pay a bra-fitting expert to tell me, “You’ve been far too comfortable for far too long.”
And, she was right. As I went into the photoshoot that was utterly outside my cozy post-Christmas comfort zone, I felt aligned, not just in my upright, forward-facing posture thanks to my new bra, but in owning the importance of doing what I do, and why I do it – and taking a stand for that.
And, wise woman that I am, I asked for help – I asked for my friend Janice (a communications professional, neighbour and Soul Sister) to look at my wardrobe options, and I asked my friend and beauty professional, Chrysta Lewis, for help with last-minute manicure and make-up support. They both said yes.
My family helped clean the house, wrangle the dog and stay out of the way while being supportive – which is not as easy as it sounds! My son even held the light-bounce thingy when we were in the park at -18 C. Brrr.
And then there was Lindsay Sullivan, a compassionate, highly-organized photographer, who brought her own calming presence. With each click of the camera (which came to feel like my friendly mirror), I smiled from the inside out, with a fresh embodied sense of who I am.
With all that love and support, stepping out of the stinky nest felt like flying.
And, it set the stage for more stepping out as 2025 advances. What are those steps? I will keep you posted. Some of these things are in-person offerings, some on-line, coming your way this spring. Stay tuned.
And, I hope you will cheer me on as a human in progress. With two really great bras. What a boost!!
And if you want some loving support while you fumble along, I’ve got your back (and maybe your bra size!).
Click here for a complimentary consultation.