Who Are You Becoming?

“For me, becoming isn’t about arriving somewhere or achieving a certain aim. I see it instead as forward motion, a means of evolving, a way to reach continuously toward a better self. The journey doesn’t end.”

Michelle Obama, Becoming

I want to sing it from the rooftops! I want to blare it from my boombox and let it scream at high volume through my car speakers so that it shakes the street as I drive by all the quiet houses …FULL VOLUME, BABY!!!

My son graduated from high school. 

It’s a big deal. Not because of the diploma itself, but because of the human being he became in the process. 

Guess what?

It wasn’t only him that grew. It wasn’t just his achievement. I graduated too. I became someone too … I “mastered” the art of getting a human fed and out the door every day. That sounds like the easy part, but for me it wasn’t that easy, for so many reasons, but perhaps it had to do with the rhythm of my days being built around his schedule – what time he had to be at school, or basketball, or music, or homework and so forth.

My life revolved around meetings with teachers, principals, doctors, tutors and psychologists, and whoever else was in the “village” at that time – so many different people over the years. This is motherhood – so I am not asking for a badge. But I do need to acknowledge what it took.

Through all of that, I became a Licensed Practitioner with the Centers for Spiritual Living (not a light-weight process) and found meaningful ways to express my passion for personal growth and support others in theirs. I hired a business coach and learned about how to share my work with the world. I grew my own coaching practice, spending time with amazing people privately and in groups, delighting in each experience. I was part of a family team that supported my parents in their final years, months, days and hours.

I was in school too … a different one than my son’s, but the hours were the same, because I did all my work around his schedule and his needs, and those of others I love. 

And now that my boy is off to university, I’m watching him with a bit of envy as he enters a whole new world of choosing courses, buying books, meeting new friends, new teachers and exploring new ideas. We are having really different conversations. It’s a wholesale launch and who knows where it will take him? The journey certainly doesn’t stop at high school.

And it didn’t stop for me either.

At the graduation celebration in June, I had the chance to give the toast to the parents – it was an opportunity to reflect on the ride of the last 15 years, including pre-school and kindergarten. 

It was a rare opportunity to stop and breathe and look at what it took to invest so much time, energy and money into this human before me, and look at who we all became in the process.

I encouraged the parents in the room to breathe, celebrate, breathe and then make room to gently inquire of ourselves, “Who will you become?”

Many people will never make the room, or even ask the question. They will drink the champagne and get up the next day, soldiering on with all the familiar tasks. They might know something is different, but they won’t stop long enough to breathe and digest the fullness of the experience and see what changes can consciously be made after such a milestone.

Not me.

For me, the shift has been monumental. The rhythm of my day is now entirely up to me – I am no longer responsible for food and transport in the mornings. Wow. I can’t explain what a big deal that is after so many years. And, what do I want to create with this new space?

It’s taking a huge amount of time to sit with this question about the future. There is a lot of fear and resistance. The chasm between “Before” and “What’s next?”  has opened up and it’s surprising me with how wide it seems to be. I’m sure there’s land on the other side, but I can’t quite see it. 

I am hollering across the space and hearing a bunch of echoes – my own voice coming back to me “Who Are You Becoming?”

It’s a beautiful question. And worthy of the time it takes to shout the words across the void and listen for the echoes that hold the answers … just like a dolphin or a bat might using echolocation to find their way.

And, I am grateful for those who are sitting beside me, witnessing me as I ask the question. I am also grateful for those who have made the leap and are sharing some tips about getting across the crevasse. Each one has had their own experience with building bridges, ziplines, airplanes, ropes and planks and I am finding mine.

Here are some of the questions I am asking …

What is mine to do?
How shall I serve? 
What is being asked of me? 
What would I really love? 
What are my values now?
What do I have to confront? Release? Embrace?
Who am I now? Whose am I? 

Here’s what is in the echoed answers so far …

Embrace silence. (Whaat? I can’t hear you)
Rest. (Yes, you can)
Clean up your ”room”, take out the trash (forgive and let go of that crap, it’s over)
Ask great questions. (not just WTF?)
Stay curious (don’t judge, seriously)
Pray with confidence. (It’s all ok!) 
Be gentle.
Breathe.
Listen. 
Repeat.

I will let you know more when I make it across the chasm. I will shout it from the rooftops and let it blare from my boombox as I shake up the world. 

I’d love to hear from you – who are you becoming?  What are the echoes whispering back to you? 

If you are not sure exactly how to get quiet enough to hear the echoes and whispers, on Sunday November 16, I will be hosting a 2 hour virtual workshop, aptly named Who Are You Becoming? Connecting with your Future Self … (save the date! More info is coming soon) 

We will explore questions of becoming, and allow space for your vision to come into focus. 

 

P.S. If you’d like to read my very short Toast to the Parents …here it is … it’s really a tribute to all of us who’ve achieved a big milestone.