It happens every time.
A client just about to make a breakthrough will suddenly exhibit signs of panic – she experiences huge anxiety even though the change is exactly what she’s been working toward – a bigger life.
She wonders “Why does this happen? Every time?”
Taking her by hand through that place of terror, I use the analogy of an ancient map where the unexplored territory was labeled HERE BE DRAGONS.
In other words, Unknown Dangers Await!
Your mind works with the same program as the explorers of old – as soon as you want to do something new, different and expansive that takes you out of your comfort zone, the Dragon Alert goes off and waves of fear start rolling in your gut … It’s scary as hell.
To a great degree, this is your animal brain, the amygdala, which is wired to sense danger and to survive at all costs. It doesn’t dream and it doesn’t yearn – Its only job is to keep you safe – and if you don’t learn how to befriend those ancient dragons, you end up living a very small life.
We have to find ways to work with the part of us that is absolutely convinced we will die if we continue with the hair-brained plan to try something new. Especially if that plan confronts old messages that keep you in line with your family’s rules – for example: Don’t get too big!
What about you? Let’s check it out.
Do you ever notice a pattern that comes up when you are at the beginning of an exciting new business, job, project, relationship, trip or adventure of some kind? One of those experiences that really means a significant step forward in your life?
See if you can recognize one of the following patterns when you are on the cusp of something juicy …
- Negative thinking will creep in (this is too good to be true; when is the other shoe going to drop? Good things like this never last for me)
- The emotional pain body will get activated (sadness, depression, anger, defensiveness, or the desire to numb out)
- Physical pain arises and stops you from moving forward (backpain, migraines, sudden illnesses and injuries)
- Situations arise that take your energy (kids get sick, or other family members become ill, and you have to look after them)
- Other people close to you say things like” You can’t do that!”, “Who do you think you are?”, “That’s not possible – you’re dreaming!!”
All this is FEAR creating a limit to the amount of joy, abundance and pleasure you can allow yourself to feel, simply because it doesn’t feel safe to that old part of the brain. These limits are entirely related to your past conditioning, and have no relationship to the truth of what you can have, be or do.
But how to master this fear and explore this new dragon-infested territory?
Step 1 – Awareness. Look at the aforementioned patterns and any others that fit for you and see where you are allowing old fear to keep you stuck.
Step 2 – Non-Resistance. What does resistance look like?
- suppressing fear is resistance (I’m not mad, I’m just angry about this other thing)
- spiritually by-passing fear is resistance (It’s all working out the way it’s supposed to, it is what it is)
- wanting it to go away is resistance (I’m not ready)
- trying to make it go away is resistance (I would but I’m just really busy!)
- denying fear is resistance (I’m good, I’m fine)
- judging fear is resistance (I shouldn’t be feeling this way – still!)
Step 3 – Forgiveness. Allow yourself to accept fear as part of the process, soften towards yourself.
- Say to yourself: “I forgive the fear I am feeling right now”
- Allow yourself to breathe in these words and feel them in your whole body.
- Forgiving any negative thought or emotion is the fastest way to be in a non-resistant state. Most of us only think of forgiveness in relationship to another person.
Step 4 – Connect to your Power Centre in your belly
- You feel fear when we aren’t connected to the Power Centre of your body – put your attention to the point 3 inches below your navel and a bit towards your spine.
- Anchor yourself bringing the fear into your Power Centre and sitting with it
Step 5 – Talk to the part of you that is feeling the fear
- It’s usually a younger part of you that is scared, not your adult self. See if you can notice how old you feel when that fear arises.
- Let that younger part of you know they are safe, you’ve got them, you won’t abandon them and you will make sure they are taken care of while you are stepping out of the old comfort zone
Step 6 – Use Mantras or Affirmations to support you
- Mantras and affirmations can help calm your nervous system and remind you that you are not alone. You have a Divine Partner that is supporting you every step of the way. It’s that very partner that is alive in you, dreaming through you and urging you toward a bigger life. Say:
Guide Me, Guard Me and I Will Follow Through
or
I am Divinely Guided, Guarded and Supplied
or
Day by day, I am growing in confidence as l take small risks
These steps are simple and profound – you will use them for the rest of your life. It’s a never-ending process as we continue to expand, grow and evolve, along with the Universe.
But you can break things down with small and consistent jumps – these add up to giant leaps in a very short time. Momentum is your greatest ally alongside the above steps.
The very essence of our lives is to grow and change, and it’s always scary as you step out of familiar territory and meet up with a few dragons. But with awareness and the right support, you learn that you can actually train them.
And eventually, fly them …
Confidence is built in small successes.
What small step on your explorer’s map can you take today?